I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
