you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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