Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize