Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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