please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
