Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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