Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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