ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
