I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
