When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
