Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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