I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
