So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
