dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
