my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
