Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
