Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
