dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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