no you cant smoke seaweed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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