True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
