Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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