Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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