somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
