this beer tastes like vomit already
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
