i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
