My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
jump out the window naked night went bad
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize