Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
