just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Randomize
