literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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