Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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