i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Two words: nipple clamps
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