Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
