i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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