I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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