i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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