I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
