yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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