He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
