the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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