if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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