Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
