I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
