she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
