im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize