yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
