We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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