the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
