i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
