So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
