After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
