Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
