I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
