Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
