More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
