My first STD was from a foam party
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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