i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
