So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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