i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
