I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
