Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
