Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
