dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
