i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
