Whod you bang
She said her name was "party"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
