Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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