It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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