there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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