Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
