you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize