My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
