I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
