I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
