The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
