The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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