it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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