I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
A+ Viking dick
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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