Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
