Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
