I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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