Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
