Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
did you just send me my own nude
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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