Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
