I heard we made out
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
