The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
