btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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