You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
