That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
