I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
