my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
