Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize