im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
