I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
