Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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