I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The power of my boobs compel you
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
