his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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