Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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