I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
