Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
