Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
