Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
