im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize