Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I CAN MOONWALK!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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