You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
