You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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