Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
