Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
